To sleep, perchance to dream!

While the quote was taken out of context the basic thought was perfect t start this post.

I came to a realization last night while I drifted in and out of sleep in the early morning, and while it's a big one, nothing good would come out of pursuing it, but we'll get back to that later.

It may have been the wind or the fact that I had a nap yesterday but I woke up today at 6a.m.. Did I get up?? of course not, I simply rolled over and tried to pick up my dream where it left off, and that's where the problem started and the realization came from.

For some reason I felt like I spent the night dreaming about Allison Burnside. In one of my first posts on this blog I was hoping for forgiveness from her in a future life for being a jerk, but in this post about a long dream I had about her I'm hoping to figure out a few things.

So here is the story in short form, She came into town and stayed at an old managers place, we started talking after a random meet up and were able to sort things out, we got closer, we hung out a lot during her visit, I remember the level of comfort was amazing, just like it was during the years of our friendship/relationship. I remember I'm playing in the front yard of the Diamonds place in Ballantrae, she walks outside and sits in a lounge and starts reading. She also met my whole family(strangely not my Mom) and even gave me a picture of Kyra and Amber and said how cute they were and how Amber is much thinner in person(that was weird). She was also at Ken(Uncle) and Diane's(Aunt) old house(Creebob's), and was at a Birthday for my Father at what appeared to be some sort of institution(8-10 steps leading down to this big dark hall perhaps 20 feet wide, all stone, windows on the left for about 30 feet) and everybody was at the far end of the hall and started walking towards Ted singing Happy Birthday as they walked towards him. We also played basketball together, I had my black Civic in the dream ... actually that's not a surprise, it almost always the car I have in my dreams.

It felt great to feel that comfortable with a person again, somebody who isn't judging me but is just happy to be with me. Somebody with a level of confidence in themselves and me that I've never felt from another person(maybe my Mom) before. Inviting, Friendly, Happy, Relaxed, Intelligent, and just wanting to spend time with me............ I miss the best person, girlfriend, confidant I've ever had. I actually wrote an apology in this Blog very early on http://goosblog.blogspot.com/2005/07/conscience-clearing-thing.html , but here's the relevant post for you

"Allison B .... You were the love of my life and my best friend and I regret everyday not telling you how I felt in Cancun. I don't think I'll ever be over you. Every time we held hands I felt like the world could end and I'd be happy because you were at my side. You inspired confidence in the way you touched me, and every time you smiled at me my heart skipped a beat. I could talk to you about anything, silly or serious, and you'd know what to say.

I can't hope for forgiveness in this world, but when we meet in the next world maybe we can go and see a Steven Segal movie for old times sake!

Let's just hope his movies are better than they are here:-)"

Now you may tell me to "get over it", but I don't know if I ever will and I certainly wish it were that simple, but I've always let my heart rule my head, and I would never change that, it's simply not who I am.

Now would you think it was funny If I told you I had tears in my eyes the whole time I wrote this?? Well I did! Maybe it was because in my dream Allison still left me? NOPE, although I never saw it coming, hey it was my dream! It was because as I woke up a little more I remembered knowing the date/time when Allison was heading to Florida all those years ago, and maybe I might just get a little closure seeing her board that plane and disappear forever or maybe just maybe she would catch a glimpse of me, she actually come up to me, we'd talk and she'd forgive me ..... I'll never know now! All I know is that I miss her greatly and I still love her!

Brent